Sorry

You told me we'll talk on May 15.

Me n u also understand we know each other well.

There is too many things happen in this 3 and the half year.

This should be the very last time we talk.

Here is the everything i want to tell u.

I know you wouldn't read me message any more.

I hope u can spent a minutes to finish this blog.

Our story start here.

I first met u in tinder, 

Feel like to give a try.

And it works!

I told you that i have been single 8 year from the last relationship.

And you laugh at me.

We had been video call for month.

And i m gradrauting from college soon.

And i told you i want to have a trip to celebrate my graduation and also before i started to work.

I decided to fly to meet u in Indo. 

This is my very first time flew alone and to Indonesia.

I m excited, happy and cnt wait to met you in person.

The moment i met u in Indo, i saw you. And i know this is the girl i want.

You r pretty and cute.

I swear to god that is the best moment in my life when i first saw u in Indo.

You brought me hang around Indo.

I really feel so happy and this is the very first time i feel so happy.

Finally there is a girl for me, someone loved me and I love you too.

The first selfie we took, and we are not ready.

And Yeah.

I really miss that moment so much.

And here too.

We went to Surabaya.

I kissed you chubby Cheek.

Facial time with a babi on your face.

There are too many memories between you and me.

And i will never forget.

The first time i went to singapore to met you.

I go to singapore to celebrate your birthday with you

You and your parent to come to Penang with you to met me.

In the butterfly farm.

You are happy like a kid.

And i m happy to see u happy too.

Malino.

Those photo is perfect.

I know it will never happen again

You are heavy hahaha, just kidding

I love the way you are

But things happen fast.

There are so many thing happened between us.

And i don't blame you.

Sorry for not being by your side when you need me.

Sorry for this long-distance relationship.

Sorry for couldn't lean u my shoulder when u r cry alone in Singapore.

Bi.

I m sorry.

Sorry for being selfish and kacau u using my computer to do ur home work cause i want to play game during ur diploma submission.

I m so bad that time.

Sorry for that.

Sorry for cound'nt get a job in singapore as i promised you i want to to work in singapore and be by ur side.

I swear i trial that time but none.

I interview like 10 company but no.

And i m still struggling with which direction should i go for.

So sorry for that.

And due to the covid.

We havent meet for years/

2 years.

And i really miss u.

I wish i can hug u.

Hold your hand.

but i cnt.

We even cannot met be4 we broke up.

I really miss u very much.

and i m so scare.

so scareeeeee!

The last photo we took in Penang.

and a lot of photo.

Here is the photo i like the most

And happy birthday!

I miss the moment when u be by my side.  

by we only can video call everyday.

I m so sorry for that.

I love u.

But we do not have the choice.

As you said.

We have no future.

I agree.

U r in singapore.

The salary is good.

If u come here.

Here have nohting for u as u already build all your connection in SG.

Sorry for cannot attend ur graduation as i promised.

I m sorry.

When things happen,

I don know what to do.

How to do.

what can i do.

why is this happened to me.

As you said.

What happend is happend.

There is nth we can change.

And i accept it.

But in the end.

We are still fighting each other and the problem is still there.

Sorry.

Both of us trial hard.

And of both of us take this relationship in a wrong way.

I m not mature enought.

And you are still exporing the world.

Thanks for the 3 days.

I hope..

One day we can meet again....

I wish i can hug u again.

Ching,

Sorry for disturbing u in midnight and your submission.

I will not disturb you anymore.

Sorry and i love you.

I hope you will remember me and the happies moment in our life.

I m not regret to had u as my girlfriend.

Sorry.

Please already bear in mind that the thing i always told you.

Don let ur self hurt.

Don trust other so much.

The world is dark.

Please sleep early everyday

Please eat don always eat instant noodle

Get some rice.

Take care of your self.

Drink water sleep early wake early.

Don always say u r fat

U r perfect for me.

U r not fat.

U always my bi.

Last....

Let's keep this our best memory...

Don't forget there is a uncle always ask u to sleep early.

and always remind you all the thing that no body will teach u.

Sorry and I love you.

I think this is the only and good choice for both of us.

We looks perfect in the photo.

But,

In the End, we still cnt be together.

We take this as a lesson.

To be a better person.

You will find someone in in singapore , treat u good.

Can always be by ur side, lean u his should when u r sad.

Sayand and hug u when u need the most.

Sorry and i love you.

Sorry for everything.

I am Sorry!

I had been really emotional recently.

What for??

Well, i guess you already knew that.

Loves and works.

I'm actually look for a job in Singapore for now as my girl is over there.

Honestly, I'm that kind of person that always feel insecure.

Being together with my girl is the only way that will make me feel secure.

I mean like, face to face, realistic, can feel and touch her.

I feel so damn guilty every time when she cry in font of the screen but there is nothing i can do except telling her not to cry anymore and try to comfort her as much as i can.

And apologize for cannot be by her side when she needs me.

At that moment, i really wish i can be by her side, hug her tide and tell her, "No worry, I m here and always for you...."

But, i could't. 

Haiz....

She told me, she need at least 5 more years in Singapore to complete her studies and contract.

I told please come faster as soon as possible.

She told me she is ok with LDR, but AM I????

I feel so hard and insecure because i have trust issue.

It is so hard for me to trust someone again if they ever lie to me.

Sum more me n her are in LDR,  which required high level of trust, understanding and spaces.

How dare am i to take this risk and ruined people life and myself.

Before we started, i do really consider it would really works or not.

I denied at first because i think i cannot do that because i know myself well.

But in the end, I willing to take a try.

People always said , never try, never know.

And finally, I've learnt some thing  in this quotes which if u really know yourself well, then follow your heart. Do not take a try because it is not a game. 

I'm not regretted  about my choice because it was chosen by myself and no one forced me to do so.

Although LDR is hard, but still i will try my best to do everything that i can do for her.

Like get a job in Singapore, then wait until she finish her contract and lets get back to my place together and married.

I really wish me and her and go till the end in the future.

LDR is harder than i expected and it driving me crazy and make me feel so emo everyday...

Wish her and I can be by each other side asap...

Bi, I love You :')...

Growth

Everyone does growth day by day no matter how....

So what had u learned and growth after an exhausting day???

Not only today.

But i would like to sum up my personal opinion about the things i learn through my life.

As a fresh graduate who started to work, work life is tougher than i thought.

Before i started my work life, i always thought that is it a simple 9-5 job.

Go to work, do my job and back home.

That's all i thought and i was extremely wrong.

Here is a little advice that i would like to share with everyone.

Do the things that you like to do.

Especially in education.

Why say so??

Well,  Here...

Me, is the alive example that i can show you.

First of me, i know i m talent in art.

I 'm creative and have a huge imagination in art.

After i finish my high school, i told my parents i wanted to study art.

For example, music or design but it is strongly disagree by my parents.

They told me that u r a boy and i cnt make much money if i study art.

Hence, i have no choice and i IT was chosen as my major.

I thought i will like it but i was wrong.

And now, i write program that i do not wan to write.

I works as a programmer which i do not wan to be.

Programmer that struggling between that continue to work as a programmer or should i get back to study the course i want.

Sigh....

2018

5 More days to 2019....

A lot of big event happened  since 2015....

Hello Blog....

I'm here again....

So??

What's next huh???

I graduated, found a girlfriend, started to work , bla bla bla.....

And realized the world is much  more reality than i thought....

Life is hard....

So what's actually going on currently....

What's else....

For man, there are only 3 thing that might affect their emotion which is???

Work (Money), Loves, and Family....

As a fresh grad, I'm so lucky to have this opportunity to on business trip to US....

This is the very first time i left my family and go to such far places to work....

Sigh.....

A lot of thing happened during this business trip.....

I try my best to deal with it but things will not always happen as we expected....

I don't know how's other people personality.....

But for me, i m the one who willing to give you all my trust and love once I'm really into you without any hesitation.....

Once the trust is broken, it would be so hard for me to trust u again....

If I willing to, which means I really love u that much.... 

Love is blind....

I will do everything for the one i love no matter what it cost for only one purpose...

I want you to be happy....

If i treated you like the way you treated me, I'm afraid that you're gone....

Besides, you might not have my generous to forgive and forgot everything....

其实我没有那么坚强，只是像多数人一样学会了伪装。。。

其实我也想有一个人，在我伤心或心情不好的时候，能像我安慰你这样，安慰着我。。。
.
Some time i wonder, why I'm being so stupid in front of the one i love...

Maybe, that's me....

I'm so tired actually, but i always tell myself....

I can make it till the end no matter what and never give up so easily....

I wont give you my words if i cant make it....

希望一切安好.....

just a little while.....

oh well then....

listen to the song that matched with my current mood....

and feels the feels of my heart n the song.....

it has been a while to feels the feels....

haha....

finally and again....

althought it only lasted a fews day....

but it 's enough....

at least i've done something that i always wanted and never done be4....

my thought was wrong.....

so damn wrong....

i don know what is happening....

but i knew that that is a bad thing....

i dont always talk my inside things to my friend or family....

so every time if i have anything to express my feeling....

i'd just came here..

i used to write everything in my blog last time....

时间一分一秒地过。。。。

然而the things i expected is still the same....

hv no any change on it....

so....

just let it go , let it go~

世界

长大后的世界很复杂。。。
复杂的是世界，还是人心。。。。
有人说，世界并不复杂，复杂的是人心。。。。
如果每天都反反复复做着一样的东西，那么你的世界还会精彩吗？？
每个人都有自己的梦想。。。。
有些人在观望着他们的梦想。。。。
却有些人已经在努力的一步一步去实现自己的梦想。。。。
也有些人已经实现了自己的梦想。。。。
每个人都应该有自己的梦想。。。。
无论自己的梦想是什么，只要有梦想，生活就会不一样。。。。